Krynnish Idol
by ChildlikeEmpress
Summary: If you think you've seen everything, think again. This is Krynnish Idol.
1. Too Sexy For Raistlin's Gag Reflex

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! BOYS AND GIRLS! ELVES AND DWARVES! KENDER AND GNOMES! DRACONIANS AND GULLY DWARVES!!!

DRAGONS AN-

"Tas, I think that's enough, just introduce the damn show already!"

"Oh, Sorry."

KRYNNISH IDOL!

"Hello folks, this is Tasselhoff Burrfoot, the Tasselhoff Burrfoot mind you, that killed The Evil Dragonlord Master Teode! Hero of the Kender kind! Best friends with Fizban! THE ONE AND ONLY TASSELHOFF-

Everyone: "TAS!!!!!!!!!"

Tas: "Sorry!"

"Well, any way, my name is Tas and I'm the host of tonight's first ever KRYNNISH IDOL!

I was going to be a contestant, but it turns out that the judges thought I sang sooo good that it wouldn't be fair to the other contestants to have me there, singing my kender soul out-

Raistlin: "That's what you think you scatterbrained fool, if you had sang just a little longer I would have completed the spell to turn you into a cricket..."

Goldmoon: "Oh Raistlin, just be thankful that we won't have to hear him sing, I never thought I would say that I would rather hear a kender prattle than hear one sing. But I just said it didn't I?"

Theros: "Tas, aren't you going to introduce us?"

Tas: "I was getting to it! But Raistlin kept interrupting me!"

Theros: "Well just do it please so we can get on with the competition!"

Tas: "FINE!"

"Well ladies and gentlemen, it's time for me to introduce the judges for tonight's show, You people on earth may be used to seeing Simon, Paula, and Randy, but personally I think are judges are waaaaay better! So give us a round of applause for...Drum roll

Theros Ironfeld! (Our 'Randy' Substitute)

Goldmoon! (A great singer, and just as sweet as Paula)

And last but not least, the Baron of Burns, the Sultan of Sarcasm, the Mage who's a Megalomani-

"_Ast kiranann kair gadunrm soth-arn suh kali..."_

"Raistlin the Archmage, most powerful being on Krynn, I'd kiss the hem of thy robes if you'd let me get near them-our third judge Replacing Simon!"

Raistlin: "I've never heard you talk so fast and so eloquently in one sentence kender."

Tas: "It's amazing what a lightning bolt does to your brain upon impact."

The Judges are seated

Tas: "Now folks it's time for our first contestant, Krynnish Idol being a bit different, The judges don't know who the contestants are. The whole judging and screening process was based on sound only! So I'm sure our judges are going to be in for a surprise when I announce that our first contestant is...Drum roll!

CARAMON MAJERE!

Raistlin: "oh my god..."

Goldmoon: " I didn't know your brother could sing..."

Theros: "I don't know a thing about singing! I can't sing myself! I don't know why I'm here! AGHHHHH!"

Childlike Empress: "You're here because I needed a third judge and I couldn't think of anyone else. Just sit and smile! Let the other two do everything. Here, have a Blue Coconut Slushie, it'll make you feel better."

Theros: slurp "Okay".

Tas: As I was saying, before Theros had a nervous breakdown.."

CARAMON MAJERE!

Singing...

(At this point the audience is stunned when Caramon emerges dressed in only a pair of tight leather pants...)

Author Cuts in

"Due to explicit lyrics, Caramon will be singing a "Friendly version" so as not to gross out younger viewers. Also, there will be no striptease... right Caramon? Caramon?"

"_I'm to sexy for my love, to sexy for my love_

_love's going to leave me_

_I'm to sexy for my shirt, to sexy for my shirt,_

_So sexy it hurts!_

_And I'm, to sexy for Milan, to sexy for Milan, New York and Japan!_

Starts to dance a little dirty..

Goldmoon!!

Raistlin: Turns green

Theros: Oooh yeah baby!

Everyone: "HUH?"

_And I'm, to sexy for your party, to sexy for your party,_

_no way I'm disco dancing, _

_I'm a model you know what I mean_

_And I do my little turn on the catwalk_

_Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah_

_I'm to sexy for my car, to sexy for my car_

_Too sexy by farrrr_

_And I'm too sexy for my hat, too sexy for my hat,_

_what do you think about that?_

_I'm a model, you know what I mean_

_And I do my little turn on the catwalk_

_Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah_

_I shake my little tush on the catwalk_

_I'm to sexy for my girl, to sexy for my mother, I'm definitely to sexy for my brother!_

_I'm to sexy for this song, to sexy for this song, too sexy, to sexy for this song!"_

Then Despite Childlike Empress screaming "NOOOO!"

Caramon Majere, dropped his little leather pants.

Goldmoon: "Your brother wears Spongebob boxers?

Theros: "SEXY!"

Raistlin: "I think I'm going to be sick.."

Tas: "WOW! Was that some dancing Caramon did out there! Never knew the guy had it in him. He practically had the whole audience chanting "take it off take it off" I wonder if he's thought about applying for a gig with Chippendales...

hehehe, anyway, time for the Judges Evaluation."

Caramon: "I did it! I did it! OMG! Raist! Did I look good?"

Raistlin:

Caramon: "And I thought that if I become famous, you could be my back up dancer!"

(At this point Raistlin starts to sprint towards the men's room, I believe our favorite Mage just lost his lunch ladies and gentlemen.)

Goldmoon: Um, I think Raistlin just made his evaluation clear, so I guess it's my turn.

Your voice is pretty good, but your dancing is Border lining a porn film, and you look terrible in that shade of leather.

Theros: "Can I have your number?"

Everyone: "EWW! He's married you freak!"

Tas: Okay folks, look forward to more contestants, the winner overall will be announced at the end so it looks like Caramon hasn't been cut. Yet.

The Authoress has ideas for most of the characters and their songs, but if you have any suggestions as to what Bupu should sing, make sure to place a vote along with your review. And remember! Unless you review saying you want more, poor Raistlin will be left puking indefinitely, so once you review, Raist can stop puking, and the competition can continue!

So, Review folks!

P.S. Flames will be used to Incinerate plague infested villages.

So, even the worst of your flames go to a good cause.

P.P.S. The Authoress apologizes for making Theros Gay, but she didn't know what to do with him any how.

P.P.P.S Goddess, I'm going to lose my voice ding this- one more thing, updates will be weekly, as the Authoress has problems with the parental noose encircling her computer time.


	2. Boots for walking, Dragons for Squishing

Hey folks! This is your host, Tasselhoff Burrfoot with another episode of...

KRYNNISH IDOL!

Thanks to all your lovely reviews, the Authoress has decided to finally update, and as you remember, last time poor Raistlin got rather ill so, lets go check on him shall we?

BACKSTAGE

(The Authoress is standing outside the bathroom yelling.)

Authoress: "RAISTLIN! WOULD YOU STOP WORSHIPING THE PORCELAIN GOD FOR PETE'S SAKE! WE HAVE A SHOW TO PUT ON!"

Raistlin: "You IGNORANT MORTAL! You can't even imagine what I've been through! You expect me to go back out there and watch dozens more equally horrifying displays of stupidity!

I WON'T DO IT! I CAN'T, I WON'T!"

Authoress: "But what about your fans! Dozens of Girls out there, me included are reading this because of you! You're their hero and they were so worried about you puking your guts out! Some even bought you bottles of Pepto Bismol! You can't just leave during the second chapter!"

Raistlin: "Really? How swe- I MEAN FINE! I'll try it again, just for my fans."

Audience: "RAISTLIN WE LOOOVE YOU!"

All The Judges Are Seated

Goldmoon: "Raistlin, if you had just stayed here I could have healed you with my staff. I finally got a license for it!"

Theros: (Nearly strangles Raistlin with a hug) "Yeah buddy! I really missed you. Anyways, do you have Caramon's number?"

Raistlin/Think of the fans, think of the fans./

Tas: Well folks, looks like it's on to the next contestant, and today what do you know, it's...DRUMROLL!

KITIARA THE SLU- I MEAN UTH-MATAR!

Raistlin: "This is a nightmare."

"DID SOMEONE SAY NIGHTMARE? LOOK RAIST! BUNNIES!"

Raistlin: aaahhhhhhh!!!!!

Authoress: "CARAMON! GET BACK IN THAT STRAITJACKET YOU IMBECILE!"

(Meanwhile, Kit's entrance is still sinking in.)

Goldmoon: "Slut."

Theros: "She is? COOL! Hey, Raistlin, do you have her number?"

Tas: "As I was saying, Kitiara Uth-Matar singing...

Kit: "Shut up you pint-sized freak, this is my time.

Also, I'd like to dedicate this song to Tanis Half-Elven."

"_You keep saying you've got something for me._

_Something you call love but confess._

_You've been messin' where you shouldn't have been a messin'_

_and now someone else is gettin' all your best._

_These boots are made for walking, and that's just what they'll do,_

_one of these days these boots are gonna walk right over you._

_You keep lying, when you ought to be truthin'_

_and you keep losin' when you oughta not bet._

_You keep samin' when you oughta be changin'._

_Now what's right is right, but you ain't been right yet._

_These boots are made for walking. And that's just what they'll do,_

_one of these days these boots are gonna walk right over you._

_You keep playin' when you shouldn't be playin' and you think you'll never get burnt._

_Ha! I just found me a brand new box of matches yeah,_

_and what he know you ain't HAD time to learn._

(Somewhere BACKSTAGE)

Tanis: "Kit! Wait! I LOVE YOU! I just love that elf chick too, I mean, come on! How come you can't share me but I have to share you all the time! Can't we just forget about Laurana? I mean, you sang about Boots! Is that some weird way women ask you to take their boots off?

Kitiara! Wait! I LOVE YOU!"

_Are you ready boots?_

_Start walkin'!_

Tas: Wow! That was beeeautiful! And those were some sexy boots too...hehehe but I don't think Tanis will be taking them off anytime soon..Kit looked pretty P'od.

Anyway, let's hear from the judges."

Goldmoon: "Raistlin, why don't you evaluate the slut-I mean your sister first."

Raistlin: "Not bad sister, though I'm not a big Nancy Sinatra fan, you had him crying like a baby. I applaud you."

Kit: "Thanks Lil bro..."

Raistlin: "I'm not finished yet! You have a terrible singing voice, so I'd stick with your present occupation if I were you, and if you love your troops, don't take them to any kareoke bars. Ugh."

Goldmoon: "Like your brother said, you're not a singer, you're a slu-I mean Dragonlord/Commander/Dark Queen wannabe. Stick with it."

Theros: "That was amazing! Do you hire out?"

Kit: "Thanks anyway, but I have enough puppies on leashes for now, but I'll call you if there's an opening handsome."

Theros: Anytime sugar!

Goldmoon: "Raistlin, we need to talk to the Authoress about Theros, he's just not normal."

Raistlin: "Don't worry, The Authoress and I are doing an experiment, what happens when you mix Ritalin with Viagra."

Goldmoon: "No wonder..."

Tas: "Well folks! Guess what? For being such good reviewers, we have a little extra something for you... TAKE IT AWAY SKIE!"

(Suddenly, A LARGE Blue Dragon Lands in the middle of the Mosh Pit)

Tas: "AND THE CROWD GOES WILD!"

Skie: "I know I'm supposed to start singing, but how can I with all this squishy stuff underneath me."

Authoress: "You mean the audience?"

Skie: "oh."

(At this point Skie continues to squish around trying to get comfortable on top of the late moshers, and then he can be seen giving the signal, and the MUSIC STARTS!)

Tas: "AND NOW SKIE THE DRAGON SINGING..."

"_Yo Listen up, here's a story about a little dragon that lives in a blue world_

_and all day and all night and everything he sees is blue like him inside and outside_

_blue his house, with the blue little window and a blue corvette and everything is blue for him and hisself and everybody around cos he ain't got nobody to listen...to_

_I'm blue da ba de da ba di da ba de da ba di da ba de da ba di_...

_I have a blue house with a blue window, blue is the color of all that I wear._

_Blue are the streets and all the trees are blue._

_I have a girlfriend, and she is so blue._

_Blue are the people that walk around, blue like my corvette, it's standing outside_.

_Blue are the words I say and what I think._

_Blue are the feelings that live inside me..._

_I'm blue da ba de da ba di da ba de da ba di da ba de da ba di..._

_I have a blue house with a blue window, blue is the color of all that I wear._

_Blue are the streets and all the trees are blue._

_I have a girlfriend and she is so blue._

_Blue are the people that walk around, blue like my corvette, it's standing outside._

_Blue are the words I say and what I think._

_Blue are the feelings that live inside me..._

_I'm blue da ba de da ba di da ba de da ba di da ba de da ba di..._

_Blue his house with the blue little window and blue corvette and everything is blue for him and hisself and everybody around cause he ain't got nobody to listen to..._

_I'm blue da ba de da ba di da ba de da ba di da ba de da ba di da ba de da ba di da ba de da ba di!"_

Authoress: "WHO INVITED THE DRAGON! HE JUST STOMPED EVERYONE IN ROW A THROUGH 4 TO JELLY!

RAISTLIN!"

Raistlin: "I didn't do a thing! I'm just doing my job! Judging! I have no idea why the kender is pointing at the sack I'm holding! It's just a regular old sack, not even the kind that would hold a Dragon Orb! Just a regular sack..."

Authoress: "And I'm Queen Takhisis."

Raistlin: (mumbling) "sometimes I think she is..."

Authoress: " I HEARD THAT!"

Goldmoon: "Are we supposed to judge the dragon?"

Theros: "How should I know? I've been busy. Kitiara's boots needed a spit shine."

Goldmoon: "I'm going to leave it at that. But you have to admit, he can rap pretty well for a reptile.

(At this point Kit emerges from where she was ensconced with one of the camera men.)

"Skie puffy cakes! It's time to go! Did you have a good time my little baby waby?"

Raistlin: "Does she always talk to you like that?"

Skie: "You have nooo idea."

(Dragon, and Dragonlord fly away...)

Tas: "Wow! What a show folks! While the Authoress is tearing her hair out in frustration, here are a few little announcements.

People should never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever ,ever, ever, ever, mix medications with alcohol or suntan lotion.

Also, Show your support and Review!

Also, The Authoress knows that Kitiara was totally OUT OF CHARACTER. Pointing this out, may very well cost you your head.

And Remember! Even flames, go to a good cause.

Tune in next week when everyone's favorite Dark Elf makes an appearance...What do you mean I wasn't supposed to say anything? It was on my cue card!

Hehehe, um, forget I said that!

JUST REVIEW!"


	3. Crawling Through the FanGirls

Hey, This is Childlike Empress, and before the show starts I'd like to thank all my reviewers!

Raablyn

Dalamar Nightson

Guan

Dal Argent

Cobra1984

Anonymous Person

HaloEver

Chickens

Kyra Skye

LazyKender

And

99CentAkubra

THANK YOU!

To all, any, and everyone who has reviewed, or is going to.

I didn't at all expect all the positive and cool reviews I got, and until then I didn't even think my story was that good. But thanks to everyone, not only did my self-esteem get a much needed lift, I think I might have found my calling...

Forcing Characters to Sing Weird Songs in Front of an Approving Audience.

Thank you so much, and now on to the ficcy!

Tas: "That was so sweet! Little Kender tears are running down my little Kender cheeks!"

(Sniffles and blows nose loudly.)

Raistlin: "No matter how touching that pathetic Author's note was, we have a show to put on so I'd appreciate it if you would stop sniffling and do your job kender, which is announcing by the way!"

Tas: "OKAY!

THIS IS YOUR HOST TASSELHOFF BURRFOOT! INTRODUCING THE THIRD NIGHT OF...(DRUMROLL)

KRYNNISH IDOL!

So let's have a round of applause for our judges!

Raistlin: "Thank you, thank you, it's nice to get appreciated once in a while. As you all know, without me, this show wouldn't even be worth watching, so I'm so glad you realize this and are applauding me. My thanks to you all."

Goldmoon: (mumbles) "Narcissist."

Raistlin: "In an not so often bout of goodwill, I'm going to let that comment slip, cleric."

Goldmoon: "I feel soooo special."

Theros: "Hey guys! Sorry I'm late, but they were having a Queer Eye for the Straight Guy marathon on HBO that I couldn't miss."

Raistlin: "No comment."

Goldmoon: "I don't want to know.."

The Judges are Seated

Tas: "Well, it's time now for our 3rd contestant (not including the whole unprecedented "Mosh Squish" performance,")

DALAMAR THE DARK!

Audience: "DALLY! DALLY! DALLY! DALLY!"

(In walks every fan girl's favorite Dark Elf, Dalamar himself.)

Goldmoon: "If only I wasn't married...GAH! I'm married, I'm married, I'm married!"

Raistlin: "Well if it isn't my second rate apprentice, you dare to show your face here Dalamar?"

Dalamar: "The contest was open to anyone with a fair voice Shalafi, and I'd don't exactly see you singing , so my presence here shouldn't be a problem."

Raistlin: "JUST MAKE YOUR STUPID FANGIRLS SHUT UP!"

Dalamar: "Thank you for your support ladies, hopefully my singing here tonight will make your evening more enjoyable."

Raistlin: "He's always so damn polite..."

Tas: "Okay, well anyways, introducing Dalamar, singing..."

Dalamar: "Before I sing, I'd just like to say a few words. As most of you know, when I was caught spying for the Conclave, My Shalafi, Archmage Raistlin Majere, made a "handprint" on my chest, that still bleeds to this day. My song for tonight will focus on how I've dealt with that."

Raistlin: "You always make me out to be the evil one! You the victim! AS IF!"

Dalamar: "Excuse me Shalafi..."

"_Crawling in my skin_

_These wounds they will not heal_

_Fear is how I fall_

_Confusing what is real_

_There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface_

_Consuming, confusing_

_This lack of self control I fear is never ending_

_Controlling._

_I can't seem _

_To find myself again_

_My walls are closing in_

_(Without a sense of confidence I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take.)_

_I've felt this way before_

_So insecure_

_Crawling in my skin_

_these wounds they will not heal_

_fear is how I fall_

_confusing what is real_

_Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me_

_Distracting, reacting_

_Against my will I stand beside my own reflection_

_It's haunting how I can't seem..._

_To find myself again_

_My walls are closing in_

_(Without a sense of confidence I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take.)_

_I've felt this way before_

_So insecure_

_Crawling in my skin_

_these wounds they will not heal_

_fear is how I fall_

_confusing what is real_

_Crawling in my skin_

_these wounds they will not heal_

_fear is how I fall_

_confusing what is real_

_Crawling..._

_Crawling..._

_There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface_

_Consuming, confusing_

_This lack of self control I fear is never ending_

_Controlling."_

Fangirls: "WE LOOOVE YOU!"

Tas: "Wow! What a depressing song! But with those looks and that voice, no wonder eight girls in the audience passed out and were trampled by all his fans!

Anyway, let's hear from the judges shall we?"

Raistlin: "THAT WAS THE WORST SINGING I'VE EVER HEARD!

IT WAS TERRIBLE!

HORRIBLE!

WINDOW BREAKING,

DOG HOWLING,

AWFUL!"

Goldmoon: "Dalamar, don't you pay any attention to your Shalafi. You have a beautiful voice and the only reason Raistlin said that is because he found out the Authoress has a pin-up of you in her locker."

Theros: "Which way do you swing?"

Dalamar: Thank you for stating your opinon Shalafi, but remember your blood pressure! I hate to sound like a nagging wife, but Crysania warned you about yelling like that, and you know how she worries."

Raistlin!

Dalamar: "And Thank you Goldmoon, but I've already taken your advice. Most of the time my Shalafi is talking I have my headphones listening to the oldies station. With my superior Elf hearing I can make out just enough of what he says to do my work well, and still catch the end of 'Dark Lady' by Cher."

Goldmoon: "I love that song, but never admitted it since I'm supposedly a "good" cleric. Sigh."

Dalamar: "And Theros, I swing normally, like most people I know. Legs in front of me, pumping just to keep me going. But if you are referring to porch swings, or tire swings, I'm afraid I haven't tried either."

Tas: Well folks, looks like another lovely finish to me. Before we go, just the usual announcements.

LOST: Three Dragons: They answer to Huey, Duey, and Louie.

Tell them that their mother Flamestrike is looking for them.

Also, never drink three bottles of mouthwash in one setting. The result is that you will get very drunk and smell like spearmint for a week.

And last but not least,

REVIEW!

Hey! It's me again, the author, I wanted to try out my new hidden camera I got for backstage, how about as a special treat I show you what the judges do back stage.

(You now see Goldmoon and Raistlin sitting on a couch, the picture is rather blurry, due to the fact that Tas got his little grimy kender fingers all over it..)

Goldmoon: "You are so cruel to your apprentice Raistlin, his wounds really don't heal!"

Raistlin: "I foresaw you using your staff on him so I made sure to put an extra spell or three on him, along with my handiwork, pun intended."

Goldmoon: "You seem to be in a good mood...what did you do?"

Raistlin: "Well I just may have spiked the punch we served to the audience.."

Goldmoon: "RAISTLIN!"

Raistlin: "It was just a simple Love Potion, it will wear off."

(Suddenly amidst Raistlin's smug, and Goldmoon's shocked expressions, Theros barges in.)

Theros: "You won't believe it! The crowd did go wild! Dalamar barely made it out of here in one piece, and they are still mobbing him, look out the window!"

(Raistlin practically knocks over the couch as he scrambles to the window to admire the success of his love potion.)

And as the three judges watch in awe

(OUTSIDE)

Screaming Fans: "DALAMAR DALAMAR DALAMAR DALAMAR!"

Random Fangirl1: "Oh Dally! Will you marry me!"

Angry Boyfriend: "Get over here so I can pummel you! You pointy eared freak!"

Random Fangirl2: "OMG! I touched his ear! I TOUCHED DALAMAR'S EAR!"

Dalamar: "I know a spell induced crowed when I see one, SHALAFI!"

"AGGHHHHH!"

poof.

Fangirls: "He's gone! Where did he go? I was just on him, he just disappeared!"

(Meanwhile, at the window.)

Raistlin: "I should have known he would have used a wish spell to get away...blast... He's smarter then he looks."

Goldmoon: "You should be ashamed of yourself! You, you, you, you!"

Raistlin: "I'm so frightened!"

WHACK!

Authoress: "Goldmoon! You! You killed him!"

Goldmoon: "I just gave him a knock on the head, he'll be fine. Hopefully he'll wake up in time for the next episode."

Theros: "woohoo! Sexy lady with staff! Watch out!"

Authoress: "hmm, and I thought Raistlin and I had agreed to stop drugging you.. Oh well, Here Theros, have a Blue Coconut slushie...it's good for you! MUHAHAHAHAHAH!"

Tas: "Oh boy, she's getting more like Raistlin everyday.."


	4. Of Clerics and Chocolate Sauce

Hey Everyone!

It's your absotively-posolutely favorite Kender speaking, and I'm here to introduce another episode of...

KRYNNISH IDOL!

Hehe...You won't believe who our guest is tonight...but I won't give it away...not yet at least...let's check on the Judges.

(Tas's camera shakily zooms in on Goldmoon, who is currently fixing her hair...then the camera zooms out again to focus on Krynn's most cynical Mage, Raistlin Majere.)

Tas: "Hey Raistlin! Got any shout outs?"

Raistlin: "The only one who's going to be doing any shouting is you Kender, as soon as I can shove that lense up your-

Authoress: "RAISTLIN! THERE ARE KIDS WATCHING!"

(A brief struggle ensues, in which the Authoress tries to save Tas, and the camera from Raistlin.)

Tas: "Lemme go! Lemme go!"

Raistlin: "You BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP Kender! BLEEP BLEEP"

Authoress: "CUT IT OUT! THE SHOW IS STARTING!"

(The curtains open, to show the three people in an interesting position, Raistlin on top of the Author, with poor Tasselhoff mashed underneath.)

Authoress: "Raistlin, YOU MIND!"

Raistlin: "I'm sorry! But if you had just let me get my hands on that BLEEP BLEEP Kender, I would not be on top of you right now! And furthermore, if you had worn pants, instead of a dress, the audience and I would not be subjected to the horror of your pink bikini underwear!"

Authoress: "THAT'S IT!"

(Tas, now back on his feet aims his camera at Raistlin and the Author, who now seem to be trying to kill one another.)

Tas: "Yes, yes! That's it! Slap him! Raistlin! Gimme some feeling! Ow! That had to hurt, yes! Yes! She kicked him! Omg! This footage will be great for my show I'm planning...But I need a name...hmmmm.. "Days of my lives"? Or.. "The Young and the Hopeless"? Or, "As the Orb Turns"?

(At this point, the Raistlin finally cries Uncle and the Authoress unpins his arm from behind his back.)

Authoress: (Breathing heavily) "Now, pant pant, I want you to apologize, and tell me that I looked damn good in that shade of pink."

Raistlin: "Nev- OW! Alright, alright. You look good in pink."

Authoress: "I can't hear you!"

Raistlin: "Cough, Cough, You look stunning in that color! Now will you please remove you foot from where it is currently residing? Cough."

Authoress: "Thank you. I promised I wouldn't bash you too much Raistlin, besides with this next guest you had better be in one piece or she might kill me.

Raistlin: "What do you mean?"

Authoress: (Grinning Evilly) "That's for me to know and you to find out lover boy, hehe."

Raistlin sits down, looking verrrry nervous.

Goldmoon: "About time you showed up."

Theros: "Omg! Her undies were pink? I love pink! I'll have to ask her where she does her shopping!"

Raistlin: "I thought that we had stopped drugging you Theros...oh well, we never did test to see if the effects were permanent."

Tas: EXCUSE ME!

Everyone: "SORRY!"

Tas: "Good. It is now my great pleasure to introduce our next guest...

CRYSANIA OF TARINUS!

(Out walks Paladine's daughter, er, so to speak in all her glory. I SAID GLORY!)

Crysania: "You forgot my full title Kender, though being a daughter of light I will let that slip."

Tas: "Um, okay. Uh, What will you be singing?"

Crysania: "This is where I have a problem...I was going to sing "Like A Prayer" but I have another song I'd like to sing instead, and well.. hehe let's just say it's not something a Cleric would usually sing...hehe."

Tas: "Well, Let's hear it anyway, I'm sure Fizban won't mind, he had a lot of trouble coming up with his song, he kept forgetting the lyrics."

Crysania: "Alright, I'd like to dedicate this song to my ain true love, Raistlin Majere."

(And for once, up in the Judges stand, our Mage is silent.)

(Okay, okay, quivering in fear is more like it..)

(Okay! Fine! He's having a nervous breakdown, ya happy?)

"_Your love is a tidal wave, spinning over my head_

_Drownin' me in your promises, better left unsaid._

_You're the right kind of sinner, to release my inner fantasy_

_The invincible winner, and you know that you were born to be.._

_You're a Heartbreaker,_

_Dream maker, Love taker_

_Don't you mess around with me!_

_You're a Heartbreaker,_

_Dream maker, Love taker_

_Don't you mess around-no no no!_

_Your love has set my soul on fire, burnin' out of control_

_You taught me the ways of desire, now it's taking it's toll_

_You're the right kind of sinner, to release my inner fantasy_

_The invincible winner, and you know that you were born to be.._

_You're a Heartbreaker,_

_Dream maker, Love taker_

_Don't you mess around with me!_

_You're a Heartbreaker,_

_Dream maker, Love taker_

_Don't you mess around with me!_

_You're a Heartbreaker_,

_Dream maker, Love taker_

_Don't you mess around with me!_

_You're a Heartbreaker,_

_Dream maker, Lovetaker_

_Heartbreaker!"_

(But then, the music dies away, another sound can be heard. Crying.)

Theros: Omg! Boo-hoo! That was the saddest song I've ever heard! Sniffle-Goldmoon, be a doll, hand me the box of kleenex! Thank you! sneezes loudly Boo-hoo-hoo!"

Crysania: "I'm waiting Raistlin. I know you, so just rip me apart again, tell me my singing was the worst thing you've ever heard, that I can't sing, that the song was terrible and to go away. Go ahead! Say it!"

Raistlin: "But, if I were to say that Crysania, I would be lying."

Crysania: "What?"

Raistlin: "From the first day I met you, I thought that you were strong, and you are. Coming here, prepared for me to laugh you off the stage, or whatever else you imagined me doing. But I admire that, and I think that you are the most bea-

Authoress: "Guys, this is a spoof of American Idol! Not "A Love Story"! Will you please cut it out and stay in your correct characters!"

Raistlin and Crysania: "Sorry."

Raistlin: (glances at script.) "Alright, that was terrible, your voice could break glass, you sounded like a nanny goat...blah blah blah (looks angrily at the Authoress) I can't believe you wrote all that down!"

Authoress: "Shut up Raistlin, alright Crysania, this is your cue to A. Start Crying and Run offstage, or B. Tell him off and then run off with Valin, the animal trainer."

Crysania: "Can I choose A.?"

Authoress: "Just do it!"

Crysania: (in a fake wailing voice) "Oh Raistlin! How could you say all those mean things! Sob, sob, wahh! I'm feeling soooooooooooo sorry for myself, I'm going to my trailor...alllll alone...and I'm going to fill the tub with chocolate sauce! Sob, sob, and if you were a nice guy, except you aren't, I think, you would come over in just your robe and try to comfort me!"

Raistlin: (trying to keep his tongue intact) "Your right Cyrsania, I'm not a nice guy, but...(looks at the audience) If I don't go and apologize everyone will say I'm a bitter, cruel hearted, bastard. So, (whispers) I'll be there in 5."

Authoress: "I think that's the best I'll get out of them. Sigh."

Goldmoon: "Theros, did you notice we were hardly in this chapter? Theros?"

Theros: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Authoress: "He FELL ASLEEP! I'm sooo ruined! It was sooo boring! Even the judge fell asleep! Wah!"

Tas: "Hey, uh, I guess the show is over, I mean the judges didn't exactly evaluate Crysania, but she's gone and so is Raistlin...um oh! I almost forgot, I've got Dalamar on Line 1, says he wants to know if Goldmoon has any experience with ear surgery.

Goldmoon: "I knew it! He went deaf from all the fangirl screaming!"

Tas: "No, something about his ear being stretched out of shape."

Goldmoon: "Well just because I haven't any experience dealing with that, doesn't mean I can't take a shot at it, I mean, who knows if this works maybe I can go into Cosmetic surgery!"

Tas: "Dalamar? You still there? Yes, she's on her way, just don't tug at it or anything...I heard that Legolas's ear actually fell off after something like this happened to him. Yeah, he tugged on it."

Authoress: "Looks like I'll have to close out tonight's show. Well, same old, same old, except (looks around nervously) I feeeeel soooo stupid. I never did any disclaimers! So here they are in order.

I do not own the song "Too Sexy or whatever it's called".

I do not own the song "These boots were made for walking" By Nancy Sinatra.

I do not own "Crawling" by Linkin Park.

Nor, do I own "Heartbreaker" By Pat Benatar. (But I wish I did!)

I DECLARE THIS OFFICIALLY DISCLAIMED!

Anyways, RR folks!

Tas: "Is she gone? Hehehe good...I have the official list...and as a little hint, this next contestant on the show has trouble making up his mind...hehehe."


	5. Tanis has to finally decide

Hey everyone! This is Tasselhoff Burrfoot, your adorable host, with another episode of everybody's favorite show...

KRYNNISH IDOL!

Lets go check on the judges as usual...

Goldmoon: "I think Theros is finally back to normal, after dozing off during Crysania's song, he seems to be back to his old self."

Theros: "Omg! Who in the world would wear hot pink boxers? And what are they doing in my room!"

Goldmoon: "Somewhat back to normal anyway.."

(We now see a closed door marked with a wizards symbol, undoubtedly, this is Raistlin's room.)

(From inside)

Crysania: "Oh Raistlin! (giggles)

Tas: "Ummm, we are going to leave now, this show is pg-13, not R, and I don't want the authoress to sue me for showing obscene footage.."

Authoress: "they're still at it?"

Everyone: "Yep"

Authoress: "Sigh, time to bring out the bullhorn."

ALL JUDGES GET TO YOUR SEATS! THE SHOW IS STARTING! ANY JUDGE WHO DOES NOT IMEEEDIATELY SHOWUP, WILL BE PUT IN THE BACK ROOM WITH THE HORNY FEMALE GULLY DWARVES. COMPRENDE?

(All we see coming out of Raistlin's room, is a sort of 'cartoonish' whoosh of air, and before we know it, Raistlin is back in his spot at the judging booth.)

Tas: "Wow Raist, I didn't know you could understand Spanish!"

Raistlin: "The gully dwarves comment spoke for itself Kender."

Theros: "Eww! I can't believe the authoress abuses us this way!"

Goldmoon: "Actually, we are relatively lucky, you should see how she treats the contestants."

Tas: "Now, introducing tonights act, TANIS HALF-ELVEN! SINGING...

(Tanis walks out, soapbox in one hand, kleenex in the other.)

"_Where have all the good men gone, and -_

Authoress: "THAT'S THE WRONG SONG YOU IMBECILE!"

Tanis: "I'm sorry! I couldn't make up my mind..."

"_Did you ever have to make up your mind?_

_Pick up one, and leave the other behind_

_It's not often easy, it's not often kind_

_Did you ever have to make up your mind?_

_Did you ever have to finally decide?_

_Say yes to one, and let the other one ride_

_There's so many changes, and tears you must hide_

_Did you ever have to finally decide?_

On a screen behind Tanis, two huge posters of Kit and Laurana suddenly pop up from nowhere.)

_Sometimes there's one with big green eyes, cute as a bunny_

**(Raistlin shudders in his seat)**

_with hair down to here, and plenty of money_

_And just when you think that she's the one in your world_

_Your heart gets stolen by some Dragonlord girl_

_Did you ever have to make up your mind? _

_Pick up one, and leave the other behind_

_It's not often easy, its not often kind,_

_Did you ever have to make up your mind?_

_Sometimes you really dig a girl, the moment you kiss her_

_And then you get distracted by your friend's older sister_

_When in walks her brother, and takes you a line_

_And says "you better go home until you make up your mind"_

_And then you bet that you'd better finally decide..._

_Did you ever have to finally decide,_

_Say yes to one, and let the other one ride,_

_There's so many changes, and tears you must hide!_

_Did you ever have to finally decide!"_

Tanis: "Kit, Laurana, I LOVE YOU!"

Laurana: "But did you make up your mind?"

Tanis: "well, not exactly..."

Laurana: "Hiya!" (karate kicks Tanis in the nuts.)

Raistlin: "I actually am feeling sorry for the ignorant half-elf. He doesn't know how to treat women, the idiot. But, what am I saying! This is fun to watch..."

Goldmoon: "Ow, she just kicked him. KICK HIM AGAIN! YOU GO GIRL!"

Theros: "Hmm...what's this. (Picks up the authoress's Blue Coconut slushie.) 'Slurp'

ahh, that was deeeelicsious hic. Giggle, giggle"

Tas: "Well folks, I know that was short, but it was indeed a chapter, so REVIEW!"

EVERYONE: _"DID YOU EVER HAVE TO FINALLY DECIDE!"_

Raistlin: "The only decision these reviewers have to make, is whether or not they are going to review this piece of garbag-I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY!"

Authoress: "Raistlin! Hold still! Um, yes, I don't own the song " Have you ever had to make up your mind" by Lovin Spoonful.

Raistlin! Stop struggling! Those Chinese finger torturers don't just come off when you pull!"

Tas: "hehe. REVIEW!"


	6. I need a Hero! Or an Xtra Frying Pan

Hey Everybody! This is Tasselhoff Burrfoot, your host returning for another long awaited episode of...

KRYNNISH IDOL!

You might be wondering why in fact we took to long to update, and well the author might say it was because she didn't get the chance, but us at Krynnish Idol know the true reason...and now, so will you!

The set has been undergoing strange paranormal occurrences...lights suddenly plummeting towards contestants...people in the audience being crazy glued to their seats...songs jumbled up...irate girlfriends beating up their boyfriends...chandelier's crashing into the mush pit...wait, heehaw sorry that's from phantom of the opera...but last but not least, and even more horrifying...SOMEONE HAS BEEN DRINKING ALL OF THE AUTHOR'S BLUE COCONUT SLUSHIES!

Authoress: "God Tas, you make it seem like I'm a Slushieholic."

Tas: "Well...aren't you?"

Authoress: "No Comment."

Tas: "Well, all that having been said, we are back and I'm about to treat you to a stealth mission, we are going to steal the staff of Magius! SHHHH!

Why? You may ask are we doing this, this suicidal undertaking? Because, our main spotlight broke and we have it all figured out how to replace it...hehehe..."

(CAMERA SHAKILY ZOOMS IN ON RAISTLIN'S DOOR)

Tas: (whispering) "Here we are... Raistlin's room..hehehe he won't know what hit him...lol...actually he will...there's the staff...if I can just pick it up and run..."

Raistlin: "Kender...? WTF! GIVE THAT BACK YOU bleep bleep IMBECILE!"

Tas: "Ahhh! Somebody save me!"

(Then suddenly, Raistlin is totally konked on the back of the head by none other than...)

Everyone: "CRYSANIA?"

Crysania: "Here, take the staff and hurry...though I'm perfectly happy to hit him again...after I caught him with that gully dwarf.."

Everyone: "TMI!"

Crysania: "J/K...hehe no, I'm just really sick of him having it turned on all night long, I mean come on! What would the conclave say if they knew Raistlin Majere used a nightlight! It's soooo immature."

Tas: "Well, (gesturing to the ceiling, where the staff of Magius hangs from a rope.) looks like we have our new spotlight folks! And just in time! Introducing our next contestant,

TIKA WAYLAN-MAJERE!

(Tika comes out on stage, wearing a bright red slinky sparkly dress and then sits down provocatively on top of a piano..)

Tika: "Play it in C minor.."

"_Where have all the good men gone _

_And where are all the gods?_

_Where's the street-wise Hercules _

_To fight the rising odds?_

_Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed?_

_Late at night I toss and turn and dream of what I need.._

(Tika now gets up and starts dancing...think Fairy God mother in Shrek 2...lol)

_I need a hero_

_I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night_

_He's gotta be strong_

_And he's gotta be fast_

_And he's gotta be fresh from the fight_

_I need a hero_

_I'm holding out for a hero 'til the morning light_

_He's gotta be sure_

_And it's gotta be soon_

_And he's gotta be larger than life!_

(A movie screen in the back ground starts replaying scenes from The Chronicles...Caramon eating fried potatoes...Caramon banging two draconian's heads together...Caramon lifting Pig-faced William with one hand...Caramon carrying Tika over the threshold and then dropping her because he hit his head on the door post...mainly, Just Caramon...being kinda...stupid.)

_Somewhere after midnight_

_In my wildest fantasy_

_Somewhere just beyond my reach_

_There's someone reaching back for me_

_Racing on the thunder and rising with the heat_

_It's gonna take a superman to sweep me off my feet!_

Raistlin: "Or just a incredibly dumb person who has big muscles."

Goldmoon: "You feeling better? The swelling on your head seems to have gone down."

(But Raist of course isn't paying attention..)

Raistlin: (Gazing with sympathy at his staff swinging above Tika's head)

'Just wait darling, I'll spring you loose as soon as my brother's barmaid shuts her trap, and then will never be parted again!'

Goldmoon: "It seems its just his pride hurting now...not his head."

Theros: "Raistlin honey, there's nothing wrong with having a nightlight! I have one, it's pink and has little purple bunnies on it wearing polka-dotted-

Raistlin!

Authoress: "WILL YOU SHUT UP! TIKA HASN'T EVEN FINISHED SINGING YET YOU TWITS!"

_Up where the mountains meet the heavens above_

_Out where the lighting splits the sea_

_I would swear that there's someone somewhere_

_Watching me_

(Tika keeps on singing, oblivious to the turmoil in the judges stand, only seeing her sweet Caramon, restrained by a strait-jacket and about half a dozen gully dwarves.)

_Through the wind and the chill and the rain_

_And the storm and the flood_

_I can feel his approach_

_Like a fire in my blood_

_I need a hero!_

_I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night_

_He's gotta be strong_

_And he's gotta be fast_

_And he's gotta be fresh from the fight_

_I need a hero!_

_I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night_

_He's gotta be sure_

_And he's gotta be soon_

_And he's gotta be larger than life!_

_Larger than life."_

Tika: "Caramon honey, that was for you! As soon as they finish doing your psychiatric evaluation we can go home and I'll make you some fried potatoes!"

Caramon: "Goody-goody Gumdrops!"

Raistlin: "Good god.."

Goldmoon: "What have they been giving him to drink?"

Random Gully Dwarf: "Bloo coconuts slshhhhhhheeeee! Yummy yummy!"

Everyone: "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

Tas: "Until next time!"

Authoress: "Thanks to all my reviewers!

I'm gonna try and list everybody lol let's see if I get'em all...

Kyra Skye-Glad you think it's cool, more to come! Hope you like.

Kirbyssbm-I will keep on trying w/ the songs, thanks for reviewing!

Mrs.Chipmunk -Thanks, I will continue glad you like.

Raablyn & Atled Willy-lol, I had to use the pink undies, I mean what would horrify a black robe mage more than pink underwear? Muwahaha.

Cynical-Dragon-Thanks, lol happy to make you laugh.

Dal Argent-I didn't mean to imply Tanis was gay...just indecisive...lol guess it's how you look it.

Lost-In-Inuyasha-Glad you like, and when to vote will be announced, not yet though.

Dalamar Nightson-I love halfbreed, but I was too lazy to convert the lyrics to fit and I didn't have time...but I love that song. Has some really impossible vocals...I mean how does she drag it out that long? but that just makes it cooler.

Guan-Thanks for your reviews. Glad you like the song choice.

Lisa-Blushes not brilliant, but I'm glad you enjoyed.

Gwyn of Mirkwood lol guess who? I'm glad you like my story, I'll email ya laterz.

Kianra17-Thanks!

99centAkubra-Chaos is coming...don't worry.

Chickens-Glad you like.

Anonymous Person-Thanks for your reviews, and I'll keep on going.

Cobra1984- Taky? Not sure...it would be fun to think up a totally evil song for her...lol thanks for the suggestion.

Lazy.Kender-Thanks for your reviews.

HaloEver- hehe, that was a lovely comment I've never been called Demented before...hehe watch out Takhisis..I'm in town.

Thanks again everyone!

ChildlikeEmpress


	7. Love: A most befuddling thing

"You may be wondering, why I, Raistlin Majere am here doing the announcing...well wonder no more!

I'm sick and tired of the Author's never ceasing demands! I'm tired of listening the that Kender prattle on and on! So I'm taking over the show! And no one is going to stop me! MUAHAHAHAHAH!MUAHHAHAHAHA!

(We now see the Authoress, gagged and tied to a chair.)

Authoress: "mmmhmpheesmasghpff!"

(Translation)

"The Mage is finally off his Rocker!"

Raistlin: "Yes, you keep mumbling into that handkerchief Empress, no one's going to save you now!"

(Then...suddenly...out of nowhere!)

Mysterious unidentified voice: "Wanna bet?"

Raistlin: "No! It can't be...what are you doing here!"

M.U.V. "I was invited by a friend of mine, to come and appear on your little show."

Tas: "Invited! And here I was begging you over the phone to come and save us all from Raistlin's evil plot and all you have to say is that I INVITED YOU!"

M.U.V. "One must always be polite Tasselhoff."

Raistlin: "HELLO! What about me? This is my moment of frustration thank you very much! Now why did you have to come! I was just about to take over the show and rule the world!"

Authoress: "emphgf?"

Raistlin: "Well, the media world anyway."

M.U.V. "Well, now that the Authoress is untied, and Raistlin is Krazy glued to his judges chair, I think its time you announce me Tasselhoff. By the way, have you seen my hat?"

Tas: sigh. "It's on your head."

Authoress: "Thank you soo much! Now the show can go on!"

M.U.V. (As if we still don't know who it is..) "Next time dear, be more considerate of his Staff, that is the only thing he got for taking the test that is not well, odd."

Authoress: "I'm really sorry Raistlin.."

Raistlin: Hmpf.

Authoress: "I kinda think your white hair is cool, and your eyes are really sexy."

Crysania: "Watch it! He is married you know!"

Raistlin: "WHAT? NO I'M NOT!"

Crysania: "Darling, you wouldn't remember, it was after Goldmoon hit you over the head with her staff the first time. She performed the ceremony for me on the spot!"

(But by this time, our mage had fainted dead away.)

Theros: "Darlings, can we get this started? I have a manicure at 3 'o clock."

Goldmoon: "Ready when you are Tas."

Tas: "IT IS MY EXTREME PLEASURE TO INTRODUCE...

MY FRIEND FIZBAN!"

Fizban: "It's a pleasure to be here my boy, now lets get this thing started.

Um. What was I supposed to sing? Oh yes, here we go...to the newlyweds!

"_It's a state of being, a frame of mind_

_It's a most befuddling thing_

_And to every being of its kind_

_It's discombooberating_

_You're wasting your time resisting_

_You'll find the more you do_

_The more she'll keep insisting_

_Her him has got to be you!_

_It's a rough game, everyone knows_

_There are no rules, anything goes_

_There's no logical explanation_

_For this discombooberation_

_It's a most bemuddling, most befuddling thing_

Golmoon: "Is he talking about love?"

Raistlin: "Or his forgetfulness...one does wonder."

_There's no sensible explanation_

_For this discombooberation_

_It's a most hodge-podgical_

_Most illogical_

_Most confusing_

_Most bamboozling_

_Most bemuddling_

_Most befuddling_

_Thing."_

Audience: "ENCORE! ENCORE!"

Fizban: "Well I really must be going, but here's one more as I leave."

Raistlin: "Goldmoon, will you please hit me with your staff again?"

Cyrsania: "Poor baby, he's an old man let him have his encore."

Raistlin: "Wake me when it's over."

"_Higitus figitus zumba ka zing!_

_I want your attention everything_

_We're packing to leave_

_Come on lets go._

_No, no not you._

_Books are always first you know._

_Hockety pockety wockety wack_

_Abra cabra dabra nack_

_Shrink in size, very small_

_We've got to save enough room for all_

_Higitus figitus migitus mum_

_Prestidigitonium_

_Alica fez, balica zez_

_Malaca mex meripedes_

_Hockety pockety wockety -whoa_

_Hockety pockety wockety wack_

Theros: "Everything has been sucked into his sack!"

Raistlin: "NOOOO! NOT MY STAFF!"

_Odds and ends and bric-a-brac_

_Be with you in just a minute son,_

_Packing's almost done_

_Dum doodly doodly dum_

_Higitus figitus migitus mum_

_Prestidigitonium_

_Higitus figitus migitus mum_

_Prestidigitonium!"_

POOF!

Authoress: "Raistlin, honey he's gone...you can let go of the staff now..."

Raistlin: "BITE ME!"

Tas: "Or not..hehehe. READ AND REVIEW!"


	8. The Ones that Didn't Make It

Random Guy Watching TV: Sigh. Nothing to watch. I am sooooo sick of watching Survivor. I mean, come on! They are gonna run out of islands someday. If only Krynnish Idol was back on...it's usually on around this time...oh well, I might as well check I mean, what can it hurt.

Lets see...channel 3, Martha Stewart...yech! channel 6, Wheel of Fortune.. channel 15..Judge Judy..hey! WAIT!

Judge Judy: "You say that the woman in question married you while you were unconscious? That sounds hardly legal to me."

Raistlin Majere: "She had a Cleric do the wedding vows, in her religion no less! She says it's perfectly legal! But how that can be, I mean come on! The Cleric should be arrested for assault!

Judge Judy: "I've heard enough! Did I tell you to talk?"

Raistlin: "But-

Judge Judy: "Shut up! I'm talking to the Cleric now!"

Raistlin: "Ignorant fool..._ast karath ouna -_

Judge Judy: "Gag him."

Raistlin: "MMPHHH!"

Crysania: 'sob' Now, don't you see how it is! All day long, the verbal abuse is too much for my-

Judge Judy: "SHUT UP BOTH OF YOU!"

Random man watching TV: "Ugh! I've seen enough...uh channel 7!

OMG! IT'S TASSELHOFF!"

Tas: "Hi everyone, I was getting worried nobody was going to tune in! Sheesh! With Raistlin and Crysania at divorce court, Theros on Oprah with Steven Cojocaru, Goldmoon in the Slammer, and the Authoress...uh, is indisposed at the moment...it seems like I'll have to do today's show all by my self!"

Dalamar: "Not entirely by your self Tas."

Tas: "Yippee! Back by popular demand, DALAMAR ARGENT!"

Fangirls: "WE LOVE YOU DALAMAR!"

Dalamar: (Blushing) "Why, heh heh thank you ladies."

Tas: "Your ear looks great by the way, you can't even tell how much they stretched it out!"

Dalamar: "well thank you Tas, for telling everyone of my plastic surgery!"

Tas: "Your welcome!"

Dalamar: "Sigh, my sarcastisity is lost on a Kender."

Tas: "I don't think sarcastisity is a word Dally."

Dalamar: "I know that! AND DON'T CALL ME DALLY!

Tas: "Alright, alright! I just figured out what to do for this episode! See, looky here, an old tape of our tryouts for Krynnish Idol, and here are all the worst singers!"

Dalamar: "ooh goody.. I always wanted to see that episode."

Tas: "Well, let's pop it in!"

FIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

"Welcome to the tryouts of KRYNNISH IDOL! I'm your host, Childlike Empress! Well, at least until we find a permanent host that is. The guy I had in mind decided he'd rather sing.

Well, here are our judges!"

Raistlin: "Hello!... Damn that sounded preppy...uh ...DIE!"

Goldmoon: "He has no idea who's singing does he?"

Theros: "He'll find out soon enough hehehe."

ChildlikeEmpress: "And our first Singer is...Tasselhoff Burrfoot!"

Tas: "Thank you, thank you, thank you! It's such a joy and delight to sing with you here tonight, and I'd like to dedicate my song to all my friends! Flint, Caramon, Sturm, Raistlin, Tika, Laurana, Kitiara, Bupu-

Raistlin: "Bupu is not your friend!"

Tas: "Like I was saying, Bupu, Fewmaster Teode cause if I'd never killed him I wouldn't be famous,

Uncle Trapspringer, Uncle Lockpicker, his wife Kathy, uh The Sledges, Otik, My mommy, my daddy, and allllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll my little kender cousins!

And-

Goldmoon: "Tas, this is Krynnish Idol, not the Oscars! GET SINGING!"

Raistlin: "For once cleric you say something worth saying."

Goldmoon: "ARR! I OUGHTA...

Theros: "Guys, the sooner we get this over with the sooner I can hit the beach."

WHAP!

Raistlin: "Theros is going to have a really bad headache."

Goldmoon: "Shut up or you'll be next."

Tas: Anyways, here's my song." (Tas commences to sing in a very off tune squeaky voice that makes Raistlin and co. Run for their earplugs.)

"_Look at this stuff, _

_isn't it neat?_

_Wouldn't you think my collection's complete_

_Wouldn't you think I'm a kender, who has everything!_

_Look at my packs, filled with treasures untold, _

_how much can 18 packs hold?_

_Looking through them you think, hell he's got everything!_

_I've got Flints old sharpening stone, _

_Tanis's knife,_

_Laurana's ring she threw at his head,_

_hell I've even got some of Otik's bread!_

_But who cares, no big deal, I WANT MORE!_

(While this is going on, Tas and Dalamar are watching the video. Tas brimming with pride at his 'lovely' singing, and Dalamar groaning in agony.)

_I wanna see what's in Raistlin's bag, _

_I wanna see, if Tika's got frying pans, _

_I wanna see if I can keep singin'_

_I need I need some more silver wear, laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!_

_Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!_

_Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!_

_I wanna see, I wanna feel what a dead lizard's like, see no big deal! _

_Wish I could see,_

_dang I've gotta go pee...uh _

_LA LA LA LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!_

Dalamar: "That was soooo painful."

Tas: "Wasn't I brilliant? And talk of the ad lib! Who cares if you can't remember the words! Just make them up! It's that easy!"

Dalamar: "Shhh, the next person is on, and I've gotta see this."

FIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

ChildlikeEmpress: "And here is our next guest, um...how can I announce you safely.."

"I'll do it myself then! Introducing me, Miranda!"

Theros: "She wouldn't dare!"

Miranda: "hehe, I do dare. And this song is dedicated to Raistlin Majere, Sucker of the year. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That rhymed! I'm a poet and I didn't even know it!"

Goldmoon: "What a hedonistic self-centered bratty selfish bitch."

Raistlin: "You have no idea. But you forgot 'slut'."

Goldmoon: "And Slut."

Miranda: "Sticks and stones love, I broke your heart, and your in no position to break mine. Your idiot brother did that for you! I put out for that slob! And what does he do? Runs of with the barmaid who's 5 years younger than me!"

ChildlikeEmpress: "Just start singing already! I have some calls to make..."

Miranda: "Hmph. Here goes."

_Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah._

_Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah._

_I think I did it again._

_I made you believe, we were more than just friends._

_But baby, it might seem like a crush, but it doesn't mean that I'm serious._

'_Cause to lose all my senses, that is just so typically me, _

_Oh baby baby_

_Oop's I did it again, I played with your heart, got lost in the game_

_oh baby baby_

_Oop's! You think I'm in love, that I'm sent from above!_

_I'm not that innocent._

_You see my problem is this, I'm dreaming away, _

_wishing that heroes they truly exist. _

_I cry watching the days, can't you see I'm a fool in so many ways. _

Wait- I'm not a fool, you are! For falling in love with me!

_Can't you see you're a fool, in so many ways!_

_But to lose all my senses _

_that is just so typically me, _

_oh baby baby_

_Oops-_

"1, 2, 3, 4, come on now let's kill that whore!"

Miranda: "What?"

"5, 6, 7, 8, You're the one we really hate!"

(The chanting grows louder, and it seems to surround the whole production studio, Miranda is shaking, Theros is quaking, Raistlin is...well grinning evilly and The Authoress is smirking. Let's see why.)

Random Gully Dwarf: "They come! With torches! They have come to kill the monster!"

Miranda: "MONSTER? WHERE! RAISTLIN SAVE ME!"

Raistlin: "With Pleasure,"

(Raistlin then swings open the doors and in pours an army of Raistlin fans, girls with attitudes. Girls with torches! (And Chinese finger torturers.)

ChildlikeEmpress: "I knew they'd come! Look at that army! Even some of my reviewers are there! God, this is soo great! Where's my camera Tas? This is such a kodak moment!"

Miranda: "AHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Army of Raistlin Fans: "KILL THE MONSTER! KILL THE MONSTER! KILL THE MONSTER!"

And then, they poured back out the doors. But not without Miranda, hehehe. She'll regret ever threatening my Mage-er our Mage.

_And so, the ending was a happy one. The slut was stuffed in a box full of nails and dragged through a river. The Kender went home to visit alllllllllllll his little Kender cousins. Theros got a great tan at the beach, Goldmoon went off to her part time job as nurse practitioner for Dr. Kervorkian, and Raistlin Majere, went out with the Authoress for Ice Cream._

_(This in celebration of his annulment.) _

_And Dalamar Rewound the video._

_All was right in the world of Krynnish Idol._

R&R!

KENDER KLASSIFIEDS

For Sale: 1 pouch, slightly worn.

Once held a dragon orb.

3,000 steel or best offer.

We met at the Kender Dance last Saturday night.

You had brown hair, brown eyes and were so pretty I forgot to ask your name.

I had long hair in a topknot, a hoopak and 18 pouches.

(I also regaled you with tales of my adventures with my friend Flint.)

We danced together to the tune of "Return to Kender"

If you read this, contact me at:

Caramon's house.

123 FryPan Ave.

Solace, Ansalon.

Lost:

Pet dragon.

Answers to "pooky".

I would suggest you don't call him that though.

I'm beginning to think that's why he bit my arm off when he ran.

LOOKING FOR A CHEAP WAY TO GET YOUR WORDS ACROSS?

CONTACT KENDER KLASSIFIEDS! FOR ONLY 10c./A LINE!


	9. A Kiss from the Pretty Man?

"Hello everyone! And welcome to the almost last chapter of Krynnish Idol!

This is your esteemed host, Tasselhoff Burrfoot, and sniff sniff I"M GOING TO MISS ALL OF YOU SOOO MUCH!"

Authoress: "Tas Honey, we'll all see each other during the reunion episode, so It won't be that long!"

Tas: "But, sniff they're like my family! I'll miss them! And after that! What then I ask you?"

Authoress: "um. Have a kleenex!"

Tas: "Thank you."

Raistlin: "If you are all done with your stupid crying and carrying on, can we please start the show already!"

Authoress: "Have a heart Raistlin! Tas is just overcome with emotion! Something you've never really expressed...except when we watched "It's a Wonderful Life" and you cried-

Raistlin: " I DID NOT CRY! IT WAS MY ALLERGIES! ALLERGIES! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU!"

Authoress: "well, you cried at all the right parts though!"

Raistlin: "I can't help it that white furry thing the size of a footstool kept walking in all the time! What is that thing?"

Authoress: "That thing...IS MY CAT!"

Raistlin: "He is grossly overweight, have you tried "Kitty Kraig?"

Authoress: "Yes! Sob! I've tried everything! Slimfast, Release, Hydroxy, ginkgo boloba..."

Raistlin: "Ginkgo Boloba?"

Authoress: "I'm not sure what it is or what it does, but I tried it okay!"

Raistlin: "Have you ever tried feeding him your famous Blue Coconut Slushie?"

WHAP!

Authoress: "HOW CAN YOU SUGGEST SUCH A THING? DRUGGING MY KID? MY BABY? YOU EVIL MAGE!"

Raistlin: "ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! I can't help it! I was born evil! Have mercy!"

Goldmoon: "Gee, there they go again."

Theros: "They make such a cute couple!"

Goldmoon: "huh?"

Authoress: "COME HERE YOU YOU, YOU EVIL MAGE!"

Raistlin: "DON'T TELL ME THAT YOU'VE RUN OUT OF INSULTS!

Authoress: "AGGGHHH!"

Raistlin: "EEEEEEEEEEEK!"

Tas: "Wow! I didn't know Raistlin could sing that high! But the authoress was just telling me yesterday, that a good kick to the nuts does wonders to a man...I'll have to try it sometime! EEP! (Tas continues in a VERY high voice.)

Eh here's our last finalist, introducing ..BUPU! Sigh. Can I fall over in pain now?"

Authoress: "Yes."

Tas: Thump.

(Now Bupu comes out on stage, wearing a slinky black dress by Vera Wang, and eeeenooorrmously hiiiiiiiiiigh heels.)

Bupu: "Bupu is so tall now! Taller than alllllllllll gully dwarfs! Taller than High Bulp!

Now Bupu can kiss the pretty man! Come here pretty man! Pretty man?"

Raistlin: "EEEEEEEEEEK!"

Bupu: "There you are! Now come give Bupu a kiss!"

(10 Minutes Later)

Goldmoon: "When is he going to realize that the authoress is giving Bupu instructions through a walkie talkie?"

Theros: "So that's why she keeps finding him! I really thought he would be safe in the freezer, but she found him there too...oh well At least I can finish reading the may issue of Cosmo Girl!"

(Meanwhile Backstage)

Caramon: "Now sing after me, 99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer.."

Gully Dwarf Chorus: "We take one down, give it to you then there's only 98 bottles of beer on the wall!"

Caramon: "Again! 98 bottles of beer on the wall..."

Raistlin: "So you've finally convinced Bupu that the kiss can wait till after she sings?"

Authoress: "Yes! And you owe me! She thinks that I'm trying to keep her from "The pretty man".

Raistlin: "Maybe you are."

Authoress: "What?"

Raistlin: "I had fun with you last night, the ice cream, the movie, even your fat cat. Do you wanna go out after we finish taping?"

Authoress: "Sure!"

SMACK!

Bupu: "Bupu is going to sing now! GET AWAY FROM THE PRETTY MAN!"

Authoress: "You owe me you owe me you owe me you owe me!"

Raistlin: "sigh. Why are all the females in my life soo...strange?"

Tas: "Wow! I feel sooo much better! I found this glass of blue stuff back stage, and now I'm higher than a kite! Then a bird! A plane! I'm SUPER KENDER! LALALALALALALALALALALALAALLA-

Everyone: "OH NO! THE BLUE COCONUT SLUSHIE!"

Bupu: "BUPU IS GOING TO SING NOW! PRETTY MAN! YOU BETTER HAD LISTEN TO BUPU!"

Raistlin: "I'm listening Bupu!"

Goldmoon: "Where are my headphones?"

Theros: de de dee de de di da do di do do.. (Faint strains of "Don't Phunk My Love" come from Theros's direction.)

Goldmoon: "And my favorite song too! Dang it."

Bupu: "BUPU IS GOING TO SING NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!"

Authoress: "Point Taken! Band! Hit it!"

"_Don't know much about history._

_Don't know much Biology._

_Don't know much about science books, _

_or the french I never took!_

_But I do know that I love you!_

_And I know that if you love me too,_

_What a wonderful world this would be!_

_Don't know much about Geography._

_Don't know much Trigonometry._

_Don't know much about Algebra_

_Don't know what a slide rule is for._

_What is that? Bupu has hard time reading the computer screen..._

_But I do know that I love you!_

_And I know that if you love me too,_

_What a wonderful world this would be!_

_Now I don't claim to be an A student. (What is A?) But I'm trying to beee!_

_Cause' maybe by being, an A student baby, I can win your love for me!_

_Don't know much about History._

_Don't know much Biology._

_Don't know much about science books._

_or the french I never took,_

_But I do know that I love you!_

_And I know that if you love me too, _

_What a wonderful world this would be!_

_But I do know that I love you!_

_And I know that if you love me too, what a wonderful world this would be!"_

Goldmoon: "She did pretty well, better with the adlib then Tas anyways."

Theros: "I thought she was adorable! If only I wasn't taken!"

Bupu: "That was for you pretty man! Now give this Bupu a kissy!"

Raistlin: "Taco Bell, 10:00?"

Authoress: "Right, now scram!"

POOF!

Bupu: "Where's the pretty man! Pretty man? PRETTY MAN!"

Authoress: "Raistlin had to go, but he loved your singing and said that he'll visit you sometime in Xak Tsoreth."

(forgive my spelling, I can't find my copy of Autumn Twilight!)

Bupu: "You! YOU STOLE THE PRETTY MAN!"

Authoress: "what? I didn't!"

Bupu: (Starts laughing maniacally, and pull out a gigantic machete)

HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH!

Authoress: "AGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Tas: "wow this blue stuff is eeeemaaaazingg glug glug glug...I'll have to let Caramon have some, it sure is better then 28 bottles of beer on the wall or whatever he's saying.."

Authoress: (Running madly from the psychopathic gully dwarf)

"Tune in next week for our grand finale, announcement of winners, and over all reunion! Yikes! All this week, please vote for your favorite contestants! And since there are so few contestants, each reviewer can vote for up to3 people just to make it interesting. Also, nominations for our "Losers Hall of Shame" are welcome and needed! (You may include Tas, Miranda, or Skie for this category despite the fact that they are not official contestants)

Thanks to all my faithful reviewers!

Now, Vote and Review! EEEEEEEEK! Somebody get a straitjacket!"

_THE END_

_(Until next time that is!)_


	10. The End

Welcome Back everyone! For the Krynnish Idol Finale/Reunion!

This is your esteemed, divine, sublime, totally cool-

Authoress: "TAS!"

Tas: "Host! Now, lets see, Kitiara couldn't make it because of some "I've slept with 100 Guys Anonymous" meeting so she and Skie won't be here, and of course after Miranda's last visit she doesn't dare show her face...muahaha! So, minus them, everyone's here!"

Authoress: "Well, the votes have been counted. We defineatly have a first place winner. Also, a second place."

Raistlin: "You don't sound to excited. What's the problem?"

Authoress: "uh...when I announce the winner, you are going to go berserk."

Raistlin: "I'm Krynn's most powerful mage! I don't go berserk!"

Authoress: "You will this time. So, I'm telling you now, the vote was NOT FIXED!"

Raistlin: "Fine! Fine! Now can we get on with this stupid reunion party so you can announce the winners!"

Theros: "I was just re watching last week's episode, and you were soo pathetic Goldmoon!"

Goldmoon: "Wha?"

Theros: "That song I was listening too, after I swiped your earphones. It was called "Don't Phunk with my HEART!"

Goldmoon: "What did I call it?"

Theros: "Don't Phunk my love! Everyone is going to think that you are an idiot and not up on today's latest Blackeyed Peas songs!"

Goldmoon: "Omg! It was a mind lapse! A mind lapse I'm telling you!"

Raistlin: "That's just your senility coming out."

Goldmoon: "My what!"

Raistlin: "Senility, as in Senile. Your not getting any older Goldmoon..."

WHACK!

Goldmoon: "Well at least my hair's not WHITE!"

Raistlin: Owie!

(MEANWHILE BACKSTAGE)

Ring!

Ring!

Ring!

Authoress: "Somebody get the phone!"

Caramon: "I'll get it! Hello, Betsy's whorehouse Tillie speaking! Oh...um hi Tika..."

Raistlin: "You'd think that after being married as long as he has, and watching her with that frying pan that he would learn and get smart! But nooo...not my idiot twin."

Authoress: "Can I count on you singing Raistlin?"

Raistlin: "What!"

Authoress: "Quite a few people in the beginning hoped you would sing, and besides this is your chance to show Dalamar up!"

Raistlin: "Where is my indolent apprentice anyway?"

Authoress: "What is this! Use big words day! Oh, Dally is over by the punch table."

Raistlin: "Dally?"

Authoress: "hehe...inside joke!"

Raistlin:...

Authoress: "You know! Dalamar, is "Dallying" by the punch table! Get it? Haha. Ha. Sigh. My humor is lost on this mage."

(MEANWHILE BY THE PUNCH TABLE)

Dalamar: "Dark lady will never turn a card up anymore..."

Crysania: "I love that song! How come you didn't sing it at competition?"

Dalamar: "There were already several oldies songs, I felt I had to do modern pop culture a favor by singing something that wasn't already twenty years old."

Crysania: "oh."

(AT THE END OF THE PUNCH TABLE, IN A STRAITJACKET)

Bupu: "PRETTY MAN! PRETTY MAN! ME LEARNED MY FIRST MULTI-MULTIPL–MULTICATION TABLE!"

Fizban: "Where is my hat?"

Tanis: "Over here Fizban, under that intoxicated gully dwarf."

Fizban: "Thank you! Oh, by the way young man. Did you ever finally decide?"

Tanis: "WILL PEOPLE STOP ASKING ME THAT!"

Fizban: "Touchy young man."

Authoress: "Tas! TAS!"

Tas: "Coming!"

Tas: "Um I'm here to announce the winners."

Authoress: "No you idiot! You're here to refill the bowl of cornchips!"

Tas: "Phew! Thank God!"

Authoress: "Um I'm here to announce, the winners of Krynnish Idol. And to tell you that the voting was NOT FIXED! Thank you for all of your votes reviewers, they were much appreciated.

And now, because the majority has spoken, they will be honored.

Grand Prize Winner of Krynnish Idol is...

DALAMAR ARGENT!

Fangirls: "YEA DALAMAR!"

Dalamar: "why, I'm flattered ladies, that you though so much of me!"

Raistlin: "THIS VOTE WAS SOOOO DAMN FIXED! IT WAS FIXED! FIXED I TELL YOU! FIXED!"

Authoress: "Raistlin..."

Raistlin: "This is no better than that American Idol! The wrong people always win! It wouldn't surprise me if one of our judges was having an affair with a contestant!"

(SOMEWHERE BACKSTAGE IN A CLOSET)

Theros: "Omg! You don't think he meant us Tanis. Tanis?"

Tanis: THUMP.

Theros: "Omg! Omg! Someone get an ambulance! Smelling salts! Something!"

MEANWHILE

Authoress: "Raistlin! Don't make me get out the tranquilizers!"

Raistlin: "eep! Yes ma'am."

Authoress: "As I was saying Dalamar, you not only win a record contract with Gnome Homie Records, 100,000 steel and a trip to Hawaii with the companion of your choice!"

Dalamar: "This is all so, magical! I've never one anything before in my whole life! And my shalafi is always putting me down, crushing my dreams, I never thought I had a chance, I never thought I could be someone! SOMEONE!"

Fangirls: "Awww!"

Raistlin: "Don't look at me like that! NONE OF YOU! DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT!"

Authoress: Second Prize goes to Bupu! Bupu, you not only win a free twelve month subscription to Mage of the Month, you also win a Dumpster full of Dead Rats!"

(Dead rats now fall from the sealing attached to balloons, and Bupu can be seen dancing amidst them)

Bupu: "Yea! Me Richer Than High Bulp! Now pretty man will marry me! I have all these magic Rats!

Raistlin: "There you go! Encourage the little brat! And all of her sociopath stalker tendencies while your at it!"

Authoress: "It's been wonderful meeting all of you, reading your reviews and making you laugh. But all good things must come to an end. So, as we leave you now, I'm going to have Raistlin sing a song."

Raistlin: "Why that one? Okay.. Lalalalalalalalalalalalalala Sing! Sing a song! Don't worry if it's not good enough, for anyone else to hear, sing! Sing a song-

Authoress: "NO YOU IDIOT! I HAVEN'T TOLD YOU THE NAME YET!"

Raistlin: "So I just sang a sesame street song for nothing?"

Authoress: "YES!"

(The Band starts playing)

Raistlin: "Oh, that one. Good, this shows how well you know me."

"_A Winters Day_

_In a deep and dark December;_

_I am alone,_

_Gazing from my window to the streets below_

_On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow._

_I am a rock, _

_I am an Island._

_I've built walls_

_A fortress deep and mighty,_

_That none may penetrate._

_I have no need for friendship; friendship causes pain._

_It's laughter and it's loving I disdain._

_I am a rock,_

_I am an Island._

_Don't talk of love,_

_But I've heard the words before;_

_It's sleeping in my memory._

_I won't disturb the slumber of feelings that have died._

_If I never loved I never would have cried._

_I am a rock,_

_I am an Island._

_I have my books_

_And my magic to protect me;_

_I am shielded in my armor,_

_Hiding in my room, safe within my womb._

_I touch no one and no one touches me._

_I am a rock,_

_I am an Island._

_And a rock feels no pain._

_And an Island never cries._

Raistlin fans: "Sob! Sniff! CRY!"

Authoress: " I thought that was perfect for you."

Raistlin: "Well, you were right as usual."

Authoress: "What? The most powerful Mage on Krynn is saying that I'm usually right about things?

Okay buddy, where's Raistlin and what did you do with him?"

Raistlin: "He's right here. Waiting to kiss you."

Authoress: "I couldn't have thought of a better ending, sides this is fiction so sure as hell I'm going to kiss him!"

THE END.

(Meanwhile Backstage)

"_Everybody's doing this brand new dance now! Come on baby, do the locomotive! It's got a lotta rhythm and a lot of soul , so come on come on dooo the locomotive with me!"_

_**And All was right, in the world of Krynnish Idol.**_

Disclaimer: "I don't own any of the songs that have been sung, any of the characters excepting me, except I'm not a character...lol Dragonlance is owned by Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman. The songs I've used belong to Pat Benatar, Disney, Eiffel 65, Simon & Garfunkel, Lovin' Spoonful, Nancy Sinatra, Herman's Hermits, and I don't remember who did "Locomotive" or "I'm too Sexy"That having been disclaimed, I'd like to thank all of my reviewers. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!

Thanks a million gazillion. And you had better review this time as well, because if you don't, Raistlin will turn you into toads. (Unless you prefer crickets.)


	11. Rockabye Raistlin Aloha to you

Yes, Krynnish Idol is over, Kaput, Fin, Owari.

But its only over for me, I give my blessing and pass the torch to anyone who would like to write their own version.

I really didn't own anything except my title, myself, and my Blue Coconut Slushie.

(Ok! Ok! Sonic owns the Blue Coconut Slushie! But I buy it from them all the time so I should own it. I should. I should..)

And now, without further ado, here's a lil gift for my reviewers.

Meanwhile, in the tower of High Sorcery in Palanthas...

A scream is heard.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

And the Sorcerer's Apprentice is loudly awakened.

Dalamar: "Shalafi? Shalafi? Are you alright? What's wrong? Did your nightlight malfunction again?"

Raistlin: "Shut up you idiot! No, my nightlight is fine! But I just had the most awful dream!"

Dalamar: "A dream Shalafi?"

Raistlin: "It was the most horrible terrible most disturbing dream ever! Not a dream, no a NIGHTMARE!"

Dalamar: "But you've had those before.."

Raistlin: "Not like this one! We were all on a TV show! Called something...Idol...and My siblings were there! It was like the Adams family Reunion only everyone is trying to sleep with someone!

And then! Tas was the host! My brother strip teased in front of tons of girls! And Kit and Skie squished some pedestrians...and I was married to Crysania, and then I took a girl out for ice cream! What is ice cream? And th-

Dalamar: "Shala-

Raistlin: "And then everyone found out that I used a nightlight! And Bupu, that gully dwarf I told you about, she was trying to kiss me! And then you sang a song telling everyone how much I use and abuse you-

Dalamar: "But you do Shala-

Raistlin: "But that wasn't the worst thing! The worst thing is that you won the stupid contest! YOU WON! I SHOULD HAVE WON! I SHOULD HAVE WON!"

Dalamar: "There ,there, Shalafi, don't worry it was all a bad dream."

Raistlin: "I know, I know. But guess what else! I actually, willingly, made overtures of love to a female! And the dream ended with me telling her I'd kiss her, thank Nuitari I woke up!"

Dalamar: "You just go back to sleep, okay? Everything's alright."

Raistlin: "Alright.."

Silence again reigned in Palanthas.

But while his master slept, a certain "Hot" Elven apprentice could be seen, packing several suitcases. Two tickets to Hawaii stuck in the pocket of his robes.

Dalamar: "What Shalafi doesn't know, won't hurt him. Or will it?"

"_Dark lady laughed and danced and lit the candles one by one... she danced to her gypsy music till her brew was done." _

_The End_

_Fin_

_Kaput_

_Owari!_

_OVER!_

_DONE!_

_END ALREADY!_


End file.
